myself

I don't have any great memories of my school days...For me, it was a place where I was constantly evaluated, judged and marked....And not being a topper or outstanding performer, I never got the attention that I wanted...So naturally like all the mediocre feel I felt totally left out.. To be very frank I was too much pampered at my home that I never found anything that inspires me to like my school ...I just hated everything about it, even the blue uniform..I think I started reading books just coz I cud spend some alone time in library than being with my classmates...


It doesn't mean I was a loner..I do had some friends around...Might be because I was too demanding and bit possessive, might be because they found no value in keeping my friendship...Whatever it is, I was always heart broken for being too sincere unnecessarily ...I think it continued till I turned 16..I was getting too much depressed...I was falling into some dark hole that pulls me in...I was being too much sincere over everyone.......And never happy in the way others treat me..


Then I realized something very strange...Don't let anything hurt you..no person, no relationship..(family not included in the rule) For that, only one point we need to remember, never be too much sincere, never get too much attached, never be blind over any relationship...Everyone wanted to enjoy the time and feel good about themselves.., if you are a good entertainer, if you look attractive, if you look bold and if you know to appreciate others... people will flock around you......That was a new beginning ....I changed the way I live..the way I think..the way I behave...everything..In simple, I revamped myself...I started reading serious books, started writing, tried to experiment with my looks, got lot of good friends.....Later I understood a simple law of relationship....Its like loose sand, don't grip it too tight, it will definitely slip away.. :)..And I was very happy...


Slowly it became my nature, I never allowed myself to be attached to anyone..I was like floating and being happy for the moment rather than trying to build a relationship that last for a life time...I drifted away if I think anyone is getting too much possessive about me...or if I feel I liked them a bit more than I am supposed to be.....I was scared of getting hurt again...I was such a happy being that my friends never doubted me...I was always there most trusted person..a very good companion and secret keeper....As I grew old I got friends who were so true that I sat down and wept alone in the dark thinking about my incapability in being sincere like them...I simply lost it somewhere...For me it is the key that unlocks the door to unhappiness....And I didn't want to risk my happiness, my peaceful existence with something unknown....There was a glass wall that I built around me...which protected me from getting hurt...a glass wall that is visible only to me.,..


Then one day I found my man...I broke that glass wall because I thought I no longer need to be scared of loosing this person ...he is all mine..


Yes, from that day... from the day I started loving him..i am getting hurt..i am crying everyday...I am feeling lost again..I became that little insecure girl in the class...away from the secure home...away from the family...who badly wants support..


When my heart is pure it hurts, if not it will never know pain...